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Author Topic: can someone proofread my essay?  (Read 15 times)
Radhya_S
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« on: April 29, 2011, 09:21:06 PM »

People live in a society that drinks too much alcohol, and this affects teens. Alcohol is a legal drug for people over the age of twenty-one. “The Dangers of Drinking.” By the time most teens reach high school, almost all will have faced a choice about whether or not to drink alcohol. Although alcohol is illegal for teenagers, a large percentage of teens use it normally. Do these people actually know what they are doing to their brain and body? Do they even know the effects of drinking alcohol?
      Kids who are drinking regularly in high school seem to be fully aware of the penalties and laws against underage drinking, possession but don't care. They all know that driving drunk can cause harm to themselves and others, but never think that anything can happen to them. They don’t know that alcohol increases the risk of many health illnesses, such as heart and liver disease. Alcohol works right on the central nervous system, damaging brain function. Drinking too much can destroy brain cells, causing in many degrees of brain damage. “What are the Dangers of Alcohol?”

Alcohol affects the way people behave.  Some people become more violent. This can increase  crimes. People realize that they are not much aware when drinking alcohol and may make really poor decisions. Alcohol also affects memory. The earlier young people start drinking and using drugs, the more likely they are to become addicted. People think that when they drink alcohol, they actually get more dehydrated. “The Dangers of Drinking.”

Not only are you ruining your body and brain cells, but you are breaking the law by buying or using alcohol before you are twenty one years old. This also affects kids’ grades. Their grades drop when they consume alcohol. Alcohol can set you in making bad judgments that can result in car crashes, violence, unwanted pregnancy, sexual transmission of diseases, or rape. Who wants that? Nobody. Who wants to die from all that alcohol poisoning? People might think that stuff like that happens to other people, but not them. And when it happens to them, they start understanding why they should’ve not drunk in the first place. “What are the Dangers of Alcohol?”

When someone is binge drinking, they can lead themselves to suffer alcohol poisoning. The blood alcohol level rises to a very dangerous point. If someone is at a very high alcohol level a person can just have really dangerous injuries done to them or most likely, die. “Binge Drinking.” Binge drinking is a dangerous drinking problem that many people have. A binge is defined as five or more alcoholic drinks in one sitting for a man, and four for a woman. Binge drinking is extremely common among American high school and college students. In fact, one-third of high school and college students admit to a binge in the last 30 days. This high rate is reasonable since drinking is still seen as a popular activity in many colleges as seen in the horrible accidents in the newspaper or on television. On television shows and in movies binge drinking is rarely shown as a dangerous and horrible thing. Alcohol is more commonly shown with friends, beauty, and enjoyment. Many people today have this problem of abusing alcohol; many of them being teenagers. Someone can develop this problem by starting a habit of drinking or alcoholism. One drink a night can lead to two. Two drinks a night can lead to three. Three drinks a night can lead to a serious binge drinking problem. The only real way to transmit this disease is through genes.
 Scientists have known that alcohol problems can be hereditary. The baby of this mother may have a first craving for alcohol and may feel ill without alcohol in its system. That is why drinking when you are pregnant can be a very dangerous thing. Binge drinking will definitely cause the person to feel without control over his or her body. They will be very dizzy and crazy. This can be dangerous for the drinker and dangerous for the people around him or her. This is why drinking and driving can be so risky. Some people have been killed because of a heavy drinker while the drinker walks away unharmed. The effects of binge drinking are that as you get more and more obsessed with alcohol, there can be many more long term effects. A human body can only drink so much alcohol. Over time your liver becomes damaged by torn tissues and maybe some other problems. Binge drinking can also lead to poverty and a loss of job. The only way to prevent binge drinking is by not abusing alcohol and drinking too much. To prevent binge drinking completely, people must simply not drink alcoholic beverages. If they do drink every once and a while, they will be fine. As long as they keep their alcohol consumption pretty low, they won’t get liver disease. The only treatment for this problem is to get help on how to stop drinking (and stop drinking). After this is done, it may be very easy to get addicted to alcohol again so it’s better to probably stop altogether.
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Quirkette
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« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2011, 05:00:38 AM »

I didn't find any major problems. The only thing is that your style is very informal. I know that there are many types of essays, but if this is a "normal," "academic" essay, you may want to change some wording.
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Elizabeth_B
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« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2011, 06:39:43 PM »

a large percentage of teens use it normally. Do these people actually know what they are doing to their brain and body? Do they even know the effects of drinking alcohol?
Don't ask too many questions, unless you will answer them.

Kids who are drinking regularly in high school
Try, 'Kids who drink regularly in high school'.
Who wants to die from all that alcohol poisoning?
Again, too many questions, not enough answers.

And when it happens to them, they start understanding why they should’ve not drunk in the first place.
Drunk isn't used like that, it's drank.

“What are the Dangers of Alcohol?”
Try moving this down to where you actually wrote about them.  Or go,

*words of the last paragraph*

"What are the Dangers of Alcohol?"

*Next paragraph about dangers of alcohol*

Good essay overall, just keep what I said in mind and try organizing your first paragraph a little better.  Try enhancing the end, it seems like it is missing something...
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